Internal Colonies

Internal Colonies

Its 7 in the morning here in Cape Town. Taylor and I hardly slept. Correction, I slept a few hours. She has slept none. We are going to hate ourselves much later today.

As she was speaking to me earlier about what she is writing in her own journal and possible blogs, I realized something. I must continue to check my own male privileg.e Up to this very moment, I was afraid of talking to, specifically Tay and Steph, about my concerns regarding the concept of race. My excuse, “they’re not there yet.” How ignorant and pathetic of me, to think that they would not understand race when they are both womyn of color. Sure, they may understand race differently, because even race is gendered.

But for me, to presume that their level of consciousness was not up to my own is disgusting. I created a hierarchy of consciousness as opposed to remembering that it’s a process. For all I know, they could be in a stage much further than my own.

That is the beauty of all this. That I am continuously growing. And I must remember to check myself, specially when others wont. Why are they afraid? Nothing. Perhaps, they’re afraid of my peevish attitude of not admitting my wrongdoings.

Let this be a call of action for myself: how to be a better ally. The same way, I expect straight folk and White folk to understand their allyship. Interpersonal power dynamics is interesting. Our relationships are so complex, and they are influenced by the systems of dominance that determine our positionality in our society.

Love. All this internal struggle is out of love. Because I love myself, and I love these beautiful and amazing mujeres. Let the growing continue.