Tu [no] me vez.

Tu [no] me vez.

I am just so upset, because its always the same fucking thing. Every single time. I don’t know what it is about me. Perhaps it continues to be karma, but I don’t think I fucked up to this much. Maybe I did. Maybe I am meant to learn so many fucking lessons. But this really upsets me. Wait. No. it doesn’t even upset me, it irritates me. It makes me so fucking sad. Every single time. It’s always the same story. It’s not the first time this happens, it’s happened before and it will probably happen again. I will fall for the wrong person. The person I believe is worth something, unlike the rest, but in reality is not. In fact, he’s a feckless representation of something that does exist yet I continue to yearn towards.

You are not one of a kind, but you definitely caught my attention.

Now I cant help myself but stare at you, hoping you’d glance at me too

I keep thinking about you and us, and our times together.

The pain is real. I can’t deny it. Except, its dangerous. That I feel as such. I must learn not to compromise who I am for something that I want. Because then I am no longer myself, but rather the fakeness that I have become in order to get it.

You have spoken your truths, and I have listened.

Distancing myself is hard. Hard like you are to me.

But you’ve shown me what you want.

And I must be okay with that.

Falling for someone is always a learning experience. No matter how small or large these feelings are, they are lesson worthy. Because every single time, we learn something new. Something we didn’t know about ourselves before. We are reminded of our philosophies and ideals. And, at least for me, I am reminded of how weak I can get.

Te miro, pero tu no me vez.

I see you, but you don’t see me.

Te platico, pero tu simplemente me hablas.

I speak to you, but you only talk to me.

Te escucho con todo lo que tengo, solamente para que tu no me olles.

I listen to you wholeheartedly, while you only hear me.

The hardest part is admitting that there is something fundamentally wrong about how I divulge my feelings and express them. I have not been single for too long, but I have forgotten what it’s like. I spent most of my year learning about myself, but have forgotten about others. Now I must embark on a journey of relationship-building with lovers, friends, and family.