cultural schizophrenia

I would frequently write and argue that being both queer and Chicano was a contradiction. But I am beginning to feel, and understand that perhaps it isn’t a contradiction that I want to believe, but one that has been imposed on me to feel self-hatred. Granted, the idea of Chicanismo and its manifested identity, is socially constructed; it was popularized following the Chicano (emphasis on the o) movement. Whereas, being queer was not something that was acceptable to the community because it was seen as an anti-family, anti-Raza identity, solely because being queer would mean the inability to “re”produce for the revolution. 

Whereas, being queer has always been seen as a white middle class issue, because that is what is often depicted in the media, and the leaders of the larger queer community are gay.

 The interesting contradiction here though is that the people that were leading both movements in the 60s were people of color, and in many instances queer. For example, it was queer people of color, especially genderqueer and transgender folk, who were at the frontlines of the Stonewall Riots. In addition, it was queer people of color, like Bayard Rustin, who were leading Civil Rights movements. But of course, these things, these details gets lost because hegemonic forces are trying to tell a specific kind of history – one that ignores the identities, or often the actual livelihood, of people.

 To be, or fee, cultural schizophrenic, is to like a game of tug-of-war. There are forces on both sides that are trying to pull into a specific idea or identity. For example, the idea of assimilation for many immigrant and immigrant families, is to forget where one comes from and to conform into the mainstream hegemonic culture. Perhaps for other immigrants, that has been much easier. But for those from Mexico, especially in my case, that has been not been the case. Considering the fact that I still have people in Mexico whom I still call family, and the fact that we are often traveling to Mexico, makes it harder to completely forget those roots.

 Even though I am an immigrant to this country, my socialization occurred within Eurocentric/American institutions and ideologies. It’s very interesting because my parents were okay with the fact that I was growing up with different cultural attitudes. For example, my parents to some extent, encouraged this culture of consumerism. Because they were trying to protect us from bullying, and because they wanted us to fit it, they often bought us clothes and accessories that although we did not need, they thought would protect us. We then were forced to create this image of wealth, and haves, to demonstrate some sort of capital.

 Although, this is a very physical understanding of cultural schizophrenia, a more emotional and hurtful one came in the power of language. It has been hard not being able to communicate with the language that I was taught that has been the hardest for me.

It has become an issue that in my inability to speak, because I have been forced, as a result of linguistic terrorist, forget who I am, as a result of loosing my language.

 It  is very interesting however, that the narrative is not so much about loosing our culture, but rather about how to integrate them. Living in los Angeles, especially it has been easier to talk about retaining ones culture, as opposed to forget it. Therefore, my cultural upbringing has been that of Chicanismo – both brown and White. My understanding has been about cultural fusions—the mixture of cultures. The cultural fusions I can relate to the most are Mexican and Asian. It is represented in Korean barbeque tacos, for example.

 As Latinos become the majority in this state, and soon becoming equally dominant (in population) with Whites, I would argue that the cultures would no longer be clashing but meshing. Therefore, it will not be a pull between cultures, but rather Chicano/as will be dictating cultural norms.