No one really knows that one of the main reasons why I
decided to move to Chicago was to deal with a lot of the emotional and
spiritual trauma I had internalized over the years. I am not trying to
victimize myself – but I am a victim, a victim of a world that does not know
how to appreciate my essence and my worth of life. It really started when I was
young, and almost dying. Few know that I was babtized a month after birth
because they were afraid I would die and go to hell. Only my mom and godmother
were there. My dad was in the United States so he could not make it, my
godfather has and will always be absent from my life. It is quite disappointing
actually, having his often in my life yet always forgetting what I was to him.
I don’t blame him, I blame these feckless expectations I had.
My mom has given me an unconditional type of love, only that
she understands. My mom has her
own history of emotional abuse, conditioned by great grandmother. This is too
difficult to write. The abuse, this family has seen. Never physical, always by
fear. When will it end?
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