why.

Its 1:15 a.m. and I find myself, again, restless. I don’t understand why I cannot go to sleep. It is all these thoughts that continue to plague me. but I honestly feel like if I am suffocating, suffocating at the fact that I have no where to turn. I don’t want to burden anyone with my melodrama, my internal thoughts. And my best friends – I have, I don’t know why, but pushed out. Why do I push out those who have offered to help me? I need to stop blaming myself, that is the problem. I need to come out a better person, a new person. I need to stop relying on people who are emotionally abusive. It all comes down to that, to the fact that I am unable and unwilling to recognize that I have never actually done something—but rather, I continuously allow myself to become a victim of something. I am trying to recognize what the core of that is – I am uncertain what it looks like.

Why is it that I am always doubting my self-worth? Why is that I always feel like I am not good enough?

Sure, I may feel this. But what am I doing to address this. Am I trying to find the drive of these feelings? Or am I trying to transform myself?