stuck

Stuck in the middle of white suburbia in the Midwest. This has been an interesting experience. I am sitting at Bini Bakery, which is next to Red Mango and I see these families coming together and rejoicing with their presence. I am sure they are troubled by many problems, but they just seem so carefree. They talk about school, their relationships, the fun they are having. This is so surreal to me – because I have never lived this experience.

My family only ate out once, that was usually Sundays. And it was never at places where we could just come together and just do things like these.

My experience is raw, it still hurts.   

So I have a degree from one of the greatest institutions in the nation, but it did not prepare me to face the realities of who I am. It has helped me understand my place in society, but it did not prepare me to fully comprehend what it would be like to be a queer brown person with a degree in a world that continues to be so foreign to me. I understand that we are sort of creating these bridges between those who know, and those who do not know. I am aware that my community is emerging and it is progressively becoming something.

I am aware that we will be the ones altering this country. But why do I continue to feel so alone? I know I am physically alone – but I also know that there are so many more people in my life that are continuously helping me. There is a difference between never being alone, yet feeling alone.