M Could i possibly be jealous of the one person i despise the most? or am i just another teen with Mixed feelings, unable to control such an untained variable of life-feelings? or whAt i feel is something else than just despise the one you wish you were like. or do i feel this because i have nothing better to expect from the person i needed more from. but why?! why is my only question, its my only key to the door of many unAnswered questions. yet why does it happen? is it fair though, that i expose my life to someone i felt was willing to share ideas, and thoughts, and especially guidences. do these tears running down from my eyes, represent guilt? happy? or jealousy? but why jealousy? is it cuz overall this person is far higher than what i wish that person was? or am i just confuzed because i am soldem without what i felt was my hope? did my hope excape as this person left, or was i waiting for something else? why do questions cross my mind. but why to all the persons in this world, me?! let me tell you whatz up...everyone, absolutly everyone admires this person, but seriously i just think he has his head stuck in his ass [litterrally]. i mean, when your humble you yet live a life not of pain but happines, not of personal beutification but emotional elongation. when you were humble we did work together, now we scarcely even speak. you use me, for your own good to benefit yourself, how can i be jealous of that? yet you get everything i want, or need. admiration i iwsh i had, yet you stole it. love, i scarcly find any, as soon as they meet you they fall down to your knees. beauty you dont need any extra, i can bearly find my own. happiness crosses back and forth without even being unatched, i hide my self in a cave where da light-less path is no where to be seen. all da extra stuff you just learn to throw away, i yet scanvage through out this world. why am i jealous though? to be jealous of ur stuck up ness? to be jealous of ur eediotness? your stupidity? your ignorance? your emotional pain? your self-deprivences? your hornyness? to be jealous of what you need the most-a real cock. cuz the one you wack around is worth for not much but your own physical pleasure as you put others down you wack yourself around. am i supposed to be jEalous of how you feed of others problems, yet you dont try to solve but make them worse? your way, or no other alternation? now, let mE ask you something- is it all worth it?
before i leave though...
i leave you with this....[oh darn you know who you fuckn are, how much you laught urself at what im writting, why do u laugh cuz its nothing but the truth. now, through the roses down the drain, and let the weeds grow from under the reality of yourself. youre nothing but fake, but what does this make me, then??
"my Lord God, i have no idea where i am going. i do not see the road ahead of me. i cannot know for certain whre it will end. nor do i really know myslef, and the fact that i think i am following your will does not mean that i am actually doing so. but i believe that the desiret o please you does in fact please you. and i hope i have that desire and i know that if i do this you willead me by the right road though i may know nothing about it. therefore i will trust you always, though i may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. i will not fear for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone. [thomas merton]
now, am i really helping you our or am i humiliating you...i hope you have fun, as to see me suffer...but i will enjoy the day you will suffer for not an open mistake but for allowing yourself be trapped in the gates of not your will but the will of your desire.
before i leave though...
i leave you with this....[oh darn you know who you fuckn are, how much you laught urself at what im writting, why do u laugh cuz its nothing but the truth. now, through the roses down the drain, and let the weeds grow from under the reality of yourself. youre nothing but fake, but what does this make me, then??
"my Lord God, i have no idea where i am going. i do not see the road ahead of me. i cannot know for certain whre it will end. nor do i really know myslef, and the fact that i think i am following your will does not mean that i am actually doing so. but i believe that the desiret o please you does in fact please you. and i hope i have that desire and i know that if i do this you willead me by the right road though i may know nothing about it. therefore i will trust you always, though i may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. i will not fear for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone. [thomas merton]
now, am i really helping you our or am i humiliating you...i hope you have fun, as to see me suffer...but i will enjoy the day you will suffer for not an open mistake but for allowing yourself be trapped in the gates of not your will but the will of your desire.
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